i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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