she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize