So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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