Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
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failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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