My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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