Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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