Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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