I am puke
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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