im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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