I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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