I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize