I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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