i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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