uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
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You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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