You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
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This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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