i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize