i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
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Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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