wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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