Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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