I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize