oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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