I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize