i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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