he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize