i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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