covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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