Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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