I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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