This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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