I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize