Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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