He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize