anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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