i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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