She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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