And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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