Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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