Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize