I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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