I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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