Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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