You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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