Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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