he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
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She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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