I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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