The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize