i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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