weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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