I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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