i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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